Feminism’s Double-Edged Sword: Power and Exhaustion

My therapist often says that since time immemorial, the world has been afraid of strong, vocal, independent, ambitious women who won’t take no for an answer. And you are one such woman. Of course, I feel powerful when I hear this. I’ve always wanted to be one such woman, and I’m liking the person I’m becoming. However, it feels exhausting sometimes, doesn’t it? To live in a world of misogynists, in a patriarchal world, trying to be fire. Trying to do something for herself, for many women around the world she doesn’t even know herself. Because even if I can influence one person, it is an impact. I can impact a life and so many people around them.

But it is exhausting because you realize your own father is a toxic masculine man, many of your close guy friends are misogynistic, objectifying women, slut-shaming women, and for that matter, sometimes behind your back, you’re the one being slut-shamed.

It is exhausting to fight back against every dominating, controlling alpha male. It costs me my mental peace. It costs me a lot of people in my life. Cutting them off because of their own toxicity and because I won’t compromise on my mental peace.

It is exhausting to realize that the women closest to you might also be sexist. Judging your character based on whom you hang out with, what you are wearing, at what time you come home, and how vocal you are. People around you propagate benevolent sexism. Telling you they care for you, thus they’re advising you. Telling you, you drive like a boy and meaning it as a compliment. Telling you, you dance like a tomboy and grace is lacking, which usually comes naturally to women.

So-called friends using the ‘r word’ (whore) for you as a joke even if you have told them a hundred times not to say it. To shut their mouths. I confessed to my therapist that it’s not the first time someone said this to me. And sadly, my therapist said every strong independent woman in this world will hear this. She confessed to the many instances she herself has heard them being associated with her. Sigh.

It is exhausting being a feminist. Looking at this patriarchal world from a feminist lens. Seeing your mom come back from work and prepare tea and snacks for her brother-in-law, spending time with her parents, daughter, and doing their work too, supporting them in any way that she can. Listening to anger outbursts from her husband for something he is easily capable of doing but asked my mom to do it, and she forgot because she has a million other things on her plate already. Staying up extra hours to complete her office work and then waking up earlier than everyone else in the house to prepare their breakfast. It is exhausting to see all this as a feminist daughter because as much as I love you, Mom, I won’t ever be like you when it comes to this. I wish to be like you yet not in this way. You are and will always be my inspiration, my role model, the person I love the most; however, I would never want to raise such expectations for me from perfectly capable healthy people just based on their gender and my gender.

It is exhausting being a feminist because my therapist shared that people will always try to dominate and will be fearful of strong, vocal, independent, ambitious women who won’t take no for an answer. And you are one such woman.